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That's Not My Name

Disclaimer: I don't own them :( If I did...mwuahahaha....HAHAHAHAHAAA
Title: Fuck You Google
Author: fleave
Warning: weirdness and cussing as usual
Pairings: Tom/Steve Cone/Deryck

wtf is this crap? XD


It was another casual day at Steve's, Cone and Deryck were doing god knows what under the blanket, Steve was looking up porn, and Tom should be fucking the drummers brains out now,

but he's googling him instead.

Little did he know that what he was about to find would change everyones lives.

"Ohmygod." Tom whispered. "OH HELL NO! This can't be true! THIS IS LIESSSSS!" The guitarist stood up and fled from his laptop.

"DANGIT STEVE! God flippin' dangit Steadley Weedly! GAHD DANGIIIITTTT!" He yelled in fury.

"Whaaaaat?" Steve called from the living room. He and the rest were watching Finding Ne- I mean, Jackass.

"You." Tom growled as he barged in the room.

"I am." He said simply.

"LIAR!" Tom pointed his finger at him.

"Ok... Come watch the movie with us Tommy-"

"No I won't, STEPHEN."

Steve gasped loudly.


"BULLSHIT!" Tom flailed wildly.

"Who's Stephen?" Deryck asked, currently sitting in Cone's lap.

"I dunno." The bassist shrugged.

"This sunovabitch!" Tom walked up to his boyfriend and stabbed the drummers chest with his finger.

"STEVE?!" They asked together.

"I uhm...it's not...you can't trust the internet!" Steve looked really nervous. He got up and started shuffling away from everyone.

"Oh no nooooo." Tom stormed over to him. "You LIEEEEED TO ME! YOU LIED TO EVERYONE!"

"The...the internet lied!" Steve tried to find a way to escape.

"How could you do this to us?!" Tom looked like he was about to start crying as he murdered something. 


"Lets KILL HIM." Cone offered.

"Shut it, Jason!" Steve flipped him off.

"Ohmygod," Deryck whispered. "Who is Jason? Are YOU Jason?!"

"Uhm, y-"

"No..." He whispered. "HOW COULD YOU?!" Deryck hopped off his lap.

"How could I what?!" Cone stood up also.

"You...you were Jason the whole time?!"

"Deryck, y-"

"I-I thought...we told each other...everything!" The singers bottom lip started to tremble.

"We do!"

"...at first I was like...the fuck kind of name is Cone? Then...then...I accepted that fact... and I loved you anyway-"

"Deryck! You gave me the nickname Cone!" The bassist flailed.

"We. Are. OVER!"

"No! Deryck, I love y-"

"I, I bet you aren't even male," He sobbed. "you're probably a..a SHEMALE." Deryck buried his face in his hands.

"Oh, so now it comes down to gender eh?" Cone said in a low voice.

"I can't trust you anymore." Deryck whispered loudly.

Cone turned to Tom.

"You started this, Thomas!"

Steve gasped loudly.

"And you accuse ME," He screamed. "of having A DIFFERENT NAME!" Steve nearly shit himself right then and there.

"Basically everyone named Thomas is called T-"

"BULLSHIT!" Steve didn't know how to feel after this awful revelation.

"You're full of bullshit...you...you..cheater and liar!"

"Oh yeah! And I suppose you've been shoving a cucumber up my ass instead of your knob!" Steve yelled.


"They're all deformed horribly a-"

"You. Had. Children!?!" Cone yelled.

"That's why Steve was so fat last year, god, how did you not know!?" Tom crossed his arms.

"Everyone's a liar!" Deryck flailed around, crying.

"Be quiet, Jerome." Steve snapped.

Deryck looked up at him.

"My god..." He whispered. "My whole life...is a LIE!"

"Son," Tom started. "I know this is sudden..."


"Congratulations! You are the father!" Steve pointed at Tom.

"You're only...like..." Deryck counted the year difference. "2 years older then me! You baby MAN SLUT!"

"Don't you call me a baby man slut young man!"

Deryck flailed in amazement.

"Steve is the youngest! I'd be a negative age!"

"We traveled through time," Steve started. "In the secret port-a-loo in which you and Cone traveled in to Antarctica with. Remember? You picked up Mr. Fleave, and him and Tom had an epic battle whilst Cone was hallucinating from lack of caffeine. Remember, son, remember." (sponsor for other story XD)

Deryck stood there, trying to comprehend all of this.

"Well..." Cone started. "I guess now would be a good time to tell you guys that...I'm...American." 

"Oh my floopin' shat." Deryck backed away from him. "You've been spying on us...and...and sending info to the pres-"

"No! No....heh. I've been sending part of your souls and fecal matter to him. Huahahaha."

Deryck dropped to his knees and screamed at the ceiling.


"Also, I took a pill which makes me look 18 forever, huahahaha."

"How old are you?" Tom asked, holding Steve close to him.


"Seven?" Tom raised an eyebrow.

"Hundred...and....ninty...three..." Cone looked down.

"You PEDO!" Steve yelled.

"That's not even possible! America isn't nearly that old!"

Cone gasped.

"He LIED." Cone pondered on how this could be true.

"This is so fucked up." Deryck shook his head, hiccuped, then passed out.

"Jerome? You ok?" Steve asked.

"I think... We need to move back to Poland." Tom said slowly. "We can leave Jerome with the spy."

"Awesome." Cone said with a mega rape face.

Tom and Steve went to pack their stuff.

"Hear that Jerome? We get to be roomates...mwuahahahahaaa."

"Please...don't...rape....me." Deryck begged.

"We're guna be best friends." Cone said in a pedo voice. "And we'll NEVER leave each other." He started laughing evilly. "Lets go hang out in my room..." Cone grabbed Deryck's wrist and dragged him to his room.


"Hear that Stephen?" Tom asked.


After of five minutes of packing, Stephen and Thomas quickly fled the house whilst Jason held Jerome hostage in his room,



Wtfff xD